*cough

Oy Vey.

What a past couple of weeks it has been.  Everyone has been sick.  The baby.  The husband.  The mommy.  And while the baby is slowly improving, and the husband seems almost up to snuff, the mommy is declining.  After finishing a round of antibiotics and using an albuterol inhaler, I'm still illin'.  Also, not sleeping, since I can't breathe.  It feels like I'm being smothered.  All this lung crap is making any decent rest implausible...not to mention it's hard to sleep when you are hacking and coughing all night.

Headed to the doctor tomorrow.  Er.  Well, today.

As far as the food and fitness and such is concerned...Well, I've not fallen off any major wagons, but I have certainly not been focused.  Mostly, all I can think about is how to get the baby taken care of, and me not lose the little immune system I have left.

I weighed myself today and I weigh the exact same amount I did three weeks ago.  I'm chalking this up as a victory.

I have my gym membership, and as soon as I can do any physical activity without being sent into fits of bronchial spasms, I'm headed there with a vengeance.  If this were just a cold, I'd have been there already, but I'm weak and lung congestion doesn't do well with arduous exercise.

Until then, I'm keeping it chill.

Will report back upon better health.

Den of Insickquity

This is a sick house.  We are all laid up with the "epizudik" as my father calls it.

Regularly scheduled programming to return shortly.

You gotta giiiiiive a little

Confession time.

Last night...er....early this morning...I ate TWO peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  In TWO different sittings.  Let me make myself feel better for a second please:  The bread was whole wheat rounds (smaller and much thinner) the pb was all natural.  The jam was no sugar added.  SO, it was a healthier pbj than usual.  But STILL!

I used to do this thing I dubbed "sleep eating."  I'd wake up in a fog, go down some crap, and come back to bed.  WAY bad for the hips and thighs.  I nipped that in the bud after the baby came along.  I noticed I was feeling a little discouraged about my lack of February weight loss the last couple days (off and on, been fighting it successfully-mostly) and maybe I was noshing to deal with that emotion.  Then, the big ol' PBJ sleep eating affair.  Oh dear.

You know what though?  I ain't got nothing but love for myself about it.  I COULD get discouraged and be all "I GIVE UP!  IT'S USELESS!" Which, I've done in days past.  But why?  This is a LIFE I'm trying to lead here...not a couple pounds that MUST be shed immediately.  And, in life, sometimes one wakes up at three am and heads to the kitchen and makes a rather healthy version of the former pbj they used to consume, and they eat it and then do it again, and then go back to sleep and then they blog about it.  Yes.  It happens in life. And since it happens, you gotta roll with it.

Which leads me to opportunity cost.  My husband teaches social studies and economically speaking, when you choose one thing, you usually trade it in for another.  This applies to lots of things, and also-Food!  Wherein I noted that I had eaten TWO pbjs in the middle of the night, do you know what I did?  I'll tell you.  I ate lightly today.  No, I didn't deprive myself food or purge.  I merely lightened up the load to compensate.

Dinner tonight is a fabulous meal out with my husband at my MOPS group. (Mothers of Preschoolers).  I'm super excited to sit and eat some delicious fare, and enjoy the sweet company.  I will NOT feel bad about eating almost whatever I desire.  Do you know why?  Because it's life.  And I compensate.  It's true that if you don't pick a diet (way of eating-not way of losing weight) you can live with, then you are picking a diet you won't succeed with.  Why on earth would I miss out on something so enjoyable?  Life is meant to be enjoyed.

The reason I'm ok with not having lost weight this week is because our bodies, like our lives, are cyclical and I can't force change.  I can only offer myself a fertile ground that provides the opportunity for my body and health to bear fruit.  You gotta give a little and take a little and this is how I think I can last the long haul.  Because I'm in it for the long haul.  And yes, I'd like to drop them L.B.'s quicker than later, but I dare not put a number on the scale above the ultimate goal of strength, purity, energy, and clean living.

So, I raise my wine glass to some great cabernet, and I dig my fork in for that chocolate cake.  It IS valentine's day weekend after all!

List-full.

1.  Gym membership reinstated.  BOOYAH!  Now, to get my lazy, loves to sleep, five more minutes please-butt up and out of bed BEFORE my child, or BEFORE I collapse into bed at night.

2.  I feel livelier (is that a word?).  Haven't lost any weight in the last week or so, but it's aaaaall good.  I feel spunky.

3.  I hid the sugar, white flour and processed crap in the very very bottom of my pantry.  Nobody in this house is doing all those bend-low squats to get to it...

4.  I made a delicious protein smoothie today, USING the protein mix I bought about three years ago.  I hate protein powder, but somehow, my magical powers helped me make one that masked the gritty nasty taste of the protein.  Righteous.

5.  Listening to "In defense of Food" by Michael Pollan on audiobook.  Interesting stuff.

6.  Reading "Food Rules" by the same.  Also interesting.

7.  New Goals:

a.  "don't stop beliiiiieeeeving" aka, It's been over a month, keep your momentum and motivation up.  Keep on keeping on, sister
b.  be more precise about measuring out food and recording those measurments UNTIL I have a good idea of what one cup, one tablespoon, etc., really looks like.
c.  eat all food at the dining table.  (I predict this one will be the killer).
d.  get my exercise on and on a schedule.  and think turtle.  "slow and steady wins the race."
e.  never try and trim my own bangs again.  Not food related, but I think you'll agree it's a good resolution if you've seen my bangs.

Dear Santa

I do realize that Christmas is about eleven months away, but I'd like to put in a request.  In fact, Santa, you could deliver this for my birthday instead of Christmas and we could call it even.  I'd like a CSA membership please, and a cookbook to show me what to do with all my produce goodies!

Yesterday at the library I was picking up my held books, "In defense of Food" and "Food Rules" by Michael Pollan (Reviews coming shortly!)  The kind gentleman who was helping me find my books asked me if I was involved in a CSA.  I was all, "customer service agent?" and he's all "idiot."  But no, I digress.  A CSA is a "Community Supported Agriculture" program.  A local farm extends membership to a community for a price for a season.  Generally, members pay up front for their produce, and over a season, the produce is available for pick-up once weekly.  The produce is FRESH, like right out of the ground fresh.  It's varietal.  Generally this program is not for the picky of heart.  Lots of new and interesting choices.  It's supporting your local agriculture. Why buy from Mexico when you can buy from your neighbor down the road?  Especially in our current economy, supporting local farmers seems increasingly important.  It's organic.  I know this is kind of a hot topic in my family.  My husband is sloooooooowly recognizing the benefit of organic food in some areas.  I'm sloooooowly learning the benefits of choosing organic foods.  These foods are typically pesticide free, for those concerned about that issue.  It's community oriented.  There are frequently options to go pick your own food through out the week (GREAT IDEA FOR FAMILIES WITH KIDDOS! HOW FUN!) or go to a spot to pick up your food, or have it delivered.  OR, in some areas, instead of paying for membership, the option to work the farm itself exists.

This video is a pretty good summary of what a CSA is all about.  I get kind of giddy when I consider how much of a community impact this could/would have on our local farmers if we started to trend more towards this option.  Not only the financial impact it could have on farmers, but the HEALTH impact it could have on me, and my family.

Food is pleasure and community and experience.  God made it that way.  There is pleasure and delight in eating and there is pleasure and delight in the sensory nature of food.  I am overjoyed to rediscover this pleasure and love of food...of GOOD FOOD.  Real food.  Healthy food.  Natural food.

So, Santa.  I think I'm pretty convincing as to why a CSA membership would be an EXCELLENT choice for me this year.  Considering your size, I'm betting you could do with a CSA membership too.

If you're interested, check this site out, and find one in your area!

Spicy Turkey Barley Soup

The first time I had this soup, it wasn't made with Turkey.  It was made with lean beef, and I fell in love at first slurp.  My sister in law made it for my mother in law's birthday, and I'm pretty sure I had like, three bowls.  It was one of the first things I ate (or drank, if you will) after my procedure, and in wintertime, it's just about one of the best things I can think of to sit down to on a cold night.  Since we are slowly switching over to a healthier more holistic lifestyle, I thought I'd pick up ground turkey meat instead of ground beef.  It was a GREAT deal, so it was a financial "no duh."

I used the turkey instead of the beef tonight and let me just tell you, friends....I notice NO difference.  NONE.  NOT A BIT OF DIFFERENCE.

So, from now on, I'll be eating my spicy beef and barley soup with turkey instead!

Recipe

1 pound of ground turkey
1/2 C pearled barley
3 8oz cans of tomato sauce
1 onion finely chopped
4 C water
2 t. salt
1.5 t. pepper
1 t. hot sauce

Brown the ground turkey in a dutch oven, then drain and return to dutch oven.  Add onion, tom. sauce, and barley.  Stir in water, salt/pepper and hot sauce.  Bring to a boil.  Once boiling, reduce heat to a simmer and leave simmering for an hour.

*This goes especially well with a hearty/oaty bread or cornbread.  YUM!

Excuse me while us two sickos go nurse ourselves back to health with some delicious soup! (also great for cleaning out the congestion! Hah!)

Get r done

Please pardon my corn, but I've got to share this with you: I love sappy, motivational, bring tears to your eyes, rev up your engines, make you believe you can do anything you wanna do, music.  In fact, I have a whole playlist called "GSD" wherein I listen to nothing but inspirational tunes.  These songs are for my GSD days.  My "Get Schtuff Done."

It's really helpful.  The moment the baby goes down for a nap, I put on my sneakers, lace em up, put on my earbuds and turn to the GSD playlist.  

Some examples of what I keep on my GSD list:

{NO JUDGING!  I directly mean this in correlation to having a Miley Cyrus song...}

Bad Romance: Lady Gaga

Stronger by Kanye West

Stronger by Brit Brit

See you again by Miley Cyrus

Fighter by Christina Aguilera

Everybody Dance Now by CC Music Factory

In my Head by Jason Derulo

Tik Tok & We r who we r by Kesha

Yeah by Usher

Survivor, Bootylicious by Destiny's Child

You're gonna go far Kid by The Offspring

Crazy in Love by Beyonce

And, like, four hundred more or so.  

But I have to tell you...there is ONE song that no matter where I am or what I'm doing, when I hear it, I stop and my chest swells up and my chin points north and I feel all crazy inspired and resolve and ABLE and powerful and excited, and if you've ever watched the biggest loser, you know what song I mean...

I share this, because I need all the help I can get.  This song genuinely helps me to get on with it, to attack my goals with purpose, and to know that I can make myself feel good.  God gave us amazing power to choose good...choose right...choose the best.  I want to honor that gift of choice and make He AND I proud.

I miss you, Chumbawumba

Emotions motivate me to do things.  I guess it shouldn't be a surprise.  I'm an emotive eater, thinker, doer.  I am often motivated by feelings.  This last year (and this current year will be) has been a monumental leap towards making more logic based decisions as opposed to emotion based decisions.  I like emotions.  I think they enrich our lives.  The problem, as we all know, is when our emotions take over as a primary way to decide how to live.  Balance balance balance.  Emotions should inform our decisions, certainly.  BUT, if we KNOW that an emotion is transient, and that soon it will pass and what we KNOW contradicts what we FEEL, then bam.  You should go with what you KNOW rather than what you FEEL.  Elementary, my dear watson.  Yeah, sure.  It is.  But if you're like me, an emotion can be a powerful force to reckon with.  I've gotten into heaps of trouble this way.

Part of growing up has involved figuring out my strengths and my weaknesses and getting all sneaky and stealthy and using my weaknesses to my advantage.  I get discouraged easily.  I sometimes rely on my feelings to direct my paths.  I often don't follow through.  I feel, therefore I do.

Luckily, I have turned into a bit of an optimist, and I'm pretty determined that even these things that knock me down can give me energy and just enough "I'm so frigging tired and pissed off about climbing these same damn mountains" to attack with venom.

Yesterday was a day.  The husband was gone for most of it.  The baby was lovely as usual, but she was also rather impatient with mama doing things like, oh say, ANYTHING OTHER THAN PAYING ATTENTION TO HER!  I ate.  I ate to make me feel good.  And again, like feelings, food should be used to enrich our lives and be done so with a balance.  I KNOW that I didn't fail anything yesterday.  I know, because I have been writing down whatever I eat for the last three weeks. (YAY ME!!!)  I'm looking at yesterday's food log, and overall, I made some pretty good choices.  Kashi whole grain cereal.  Skim milk.  Turkey on whole wheat.  Tortilla chips with mashed avocado.  Banana.  Fiber plus bar.  Small bag of popcorn. And then I know I ate some more stuff later at night that I forgot about. I'm not necessarily disappointed with what I ate, but how I ate it.  I ate all that food rather purposelessly.  I grazed, snacked, chewed, masticated-all because I was rather bored and distracted.

All this jabber leads up to this:  I felt discouraged today.  I felt bored so I ate.  I felt emotionally adrift a bit, so I crunched.  HEREIN LAY THE RUB!!  It's not that I got discouraged.  I expect that.  It's life, man, and if you can't deal with the discouragement, clock out.  It's my penchant to quit after the first few hurdles.  I know this about myself.  I'm prepared to deal with it much better these days, and now instead of fuel for the enemy, it's kindling for my fire.  I KNOW I will meet my goals.  It's just a matter of how long I want to take to get there.  I KNOW  I will make health a lifelong priority.  It's only an issue of how much I want to believe in my ability to choose it.  I KNOW success comes with a price.  It's time to choose the best.  I KNOW that I'll get knocked down.  Time to make it a habit to "get up again."

Excuse me while I go tubthumpin...

Setting myself up for success

It's pretty important to me that not only do I make these health choices a part of my normal lifestyle, but that I succeed in doing it routinely.

I have a tendency to be easily persuaded. I'm aware of it, and so I deal with that aspect of my personality. For instance, I've been educating myself daily on things like cooking with fresh ingredients, and knowing what my food contains, reading labels, cutting out the bad stuff...and blogs have been an AWESOME resource for encouragement and knowledge. They've also kind of made me feel like a high school girl who wants to fit in. Oh you remember the days, don't you? I need UMBROS! I need NORTH FACE! I need JANSPORT! I need these things to make me belong, because it's what everyone else is doing!!!

Guess what. That's a big ol' fail. I'm nigh to 30, and if I've learned anything it's that doing it because someone else is doing it is DUMB.

A lot of women and men who are reducing their processed food intake and increasing their fruit/veggie intake are doing so in great healthy ways! Part of this process for them has involved making all their own foods from scratch, or eliminating certain convenient food items because they involve preservatives or artificial sweeteners (ie splenda).

I had to do some soul searching on this over the last few days. Setting Lacy up for a win means doing it her way, and being okay with it. Trading in my very easy and fast instant weight control oatmeal for steel cut takes-30 minutes-to-cook-oatmeal probably isn't going to set me up for a win. Baking my own whole wheat bread instead of having my loaf of pre baked pre sliced oatnut whole wheat bread isn't gonna make it easy for me to make a right choice. So I'm going with something easier for now.

Also, success means measuring, accountability, goal setting and rewards.

I set a mini goal in January to eat more fruits and veggies. Eat only whole grains. Lose 10 pounds! Quit snacking mindlessly. I did it! I feel GREAT about meeting that goal! I want to be successful AGAIN! Because success begets success! My February goals are pretty simple. Keep meeting January goals. Lose 8 more pounds. Exercise 3 times a week for at least 20 minutes a session. Take my measurements and compare them to next month's measurements. Keep trying new recipes.

I gotta be honest. I'm kind of excited about this last part of the success idea: rewards.

I truly believe that being fit and fabulous is going to be more than enough reward for me. I'm already reaping the benefits of my choices and feeling rewarded by it. However, I also love knowing that at the end of a quantifiable time I can look back and see if I met my goals and then reward myself with something lovely.

I'm a girl, and I like pretty stuff. I especially like pretty clothes. I ESPECIALLY like pretty dresses. When you are overweight and sluggish and unhealthy, you tend not to spend money on things like dresses or makeup or jewelry. You (or I) feel like, "what's the point! This is as good as it's gonna get!" I feel differently today. I own my body and I'm in control of how I feel and look and I take pride in that as a wife and mother. I found the most fabulous dress shop online and since I so rarely (okay never) buy anything that isn't on sale/clearance or thrifted, I felt like buying a quality made, tailored dress that made me look and feel dazzling would be an excellent motivator/reward to meet my immediate health goals.

Here it is folks...here is my dress!

and then the back...

I love it, and I'm printing it out this week, putting it on the inside of my food pantry, and writing underneath it "Picture yourself in this, dancing with your hubs!"

Talk about encouragement to succeed...