Last night...er....early this morning...I ate TWO peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. In TWO different sittings. Let me make myself feel better for a second please: The bread was whole wheat rounds (smaller and much thinner) the pb was all natural. The jam was no sugar added. SO, it was a healthier pbj than usual. But STILL!
I used to do this thing I dubbed "sleep eating." I'd wake up in a fog, go down some crap, and come back to bed. WAY bad for the hips and thighs. I nipped that in the bud after the baby came along. I noticed I was feeling a little discouraged about my lack of February weight loss the last couple days (off and on, been fighting it successfully-mostly) and maybe I was noshing to deal with that emotion. Then, the big ol' PBJ sleep eating affair. Oh dear.
You know what though? I ain't got nothing but love for myself about it. I COULD get discouraged and be all "I GIVE UP! IT'S USELESS!" Which, I've done in days past. But why? This is a LIFE I'm trying to lead here...not a couple pounds that MUST be shed immediately. And, in life, sometimes one wakes up at three am and heads to the kitchen and makes a rather healthy version of the former pbj they used to consume, and they eat it and then do it again, and then go back to sleep and then they blog about it. Yes. It happens in life. And since it happens, you gotta roll with it.
Which leads me to opportunity cost. My husband teaches social studies and economically speaking, when you choose one thing, you usually trade it in for another. This applies to lots of things, and also-Food! Wherein I noted that I had eaten TWO pbjs in the middle of the night, do you know what I did? I'll tell you. I ate lightly today. No, I didn't deprive myself food or purge. I merely lightened up the load to compensate.
Dinner tonight is a fabulous meal out with my husband at my MOPS group. (Mothers of Preschoolers). I'm super excited to sit and eat some delicious fare, and enjoy the sweet company. I will NOT feel bad about eating almost whatever I desire. Do you know why? Because it's life. And I compensate. It's true that if you don't pick a diet (way of eating-not way of losing weight) you can live with, then you are picking a diet you won't succeed with. Why on earth would I miss out on something so enjoyable? Life is meant to be enjoyed.
The reason I'm ok with not having lost weight this week is because our bodies, like our lives, are cyclical and I can't force change. I can only offer myself a fertile ground that provides the opportunity for my body and health to bear fruit. You gotta give a little and take a little and this is how I think I can last the long haul. Because I'm in it for the long haul. And yes, I'd like to drop them L.B.'s quicker than later, but I dare not put a number on the scale above the ultimate goal of strength, purity, energy, and clean living.
So, I raise my wine glass to some great cabernet, and I dig my fork in for that chocolate cake. It IS valentine's day weekend after all!